Real-Life Decision Making -- Solution
You decline her request, but explain the reasons for the policy.
This is the real-life decision made by rabbi Moshe Saks.
"Rather than simply saying, 'Well, talk to so-and-so, he'll tell
you the answer,'" Saks says, "the rabbi has to take the lead and say,
'Look, this is the policy of the congregation, and these are the reasons.'"
In a case like this, the rabbi needs to be sensitive to the person's
feelings. The rabbi has to explain it has nothing to do with them personally.
"What you're doing is explaining to them why it is, and still reaching
out to them and saying that you care about them," Saks says.
Sometimes, a rabbi will want to have a policy reviewed. The change won't
happen quickly, but a rabbi can suggest discussions take place.
Of course, not all requests are reasonable. Faced with such a request,
a rabbi asks the person why they're asking for something they know is
impossible.
"If someone brings you an outlandish request, that everyone realizes is
just ridiculous, then you have to ask the person why they're doing that,"
Saks says.
"Let's say they want to have a party and they want bring
elephants into the synagogue or something," he adds, laughing.
The rabbi alone does not handle most requests. In fact, almost all decisions
are made as a group effort with the leadership of the congregation.
"In my estimation, a rabbi who's successful is someone who's
a consensus builder," Saks says. "So, yes, you have to make decisions, but,
normally, decisions you make are not unilateral."